I Must Not Tell Lies
by CherryWolf-chan
Summary: Molly glowered. "There's been a change in the professor rota that was only today brought to Arthur's attention. Minerva seems to have finally gone senile, because Dolores Umbridge is the new DADA professor at Hogwarts, come this school year."


**AN: Had this idea an eon ago, and started it a century ago. Finally decided I should probably finish it. That 10 page list of ideas isn't going to write itself. Enjoy!**

**Pages: 19**

**Words: 6893**

**~~August 30****th****, 2009~~**

**~~Malfoy Manor~~**

Draco sighed as he once again called for his wife, Hermione, to hurry up and get downstairs. They, and their three year old son Scorpius, were due at The Burrow five minutes ago for the weekly Sunday brunch he'd been forced to attend, ever since he and Hermione started getting serious about each other.

Well alright, if he was honest with himself she didn't exactly have to _force_ him anymore. But no one needed to know that, right?

Groaning, and hoping his mother didn't hear him bellowing like a common Weasley, he tried again. "GRANGER! GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE BEFORE MOLLY FLOO CALLS, TO LECTURE ME ABOUT PUNTUALITY _AGAIN_!"

Juggling her toddler, her purse, a teddy bear, and trying to fix her hair at the same time Hermione entered the room with a huff. "Honestly! You and Ron have given my poor baby a complex! Did you know, the other day he told your father that my name was Granger, your name was Ferret, Ron's name was Weasel, and Harry was a tossup between Potty, Scarhead, The Boy Who Wouldn't Die, and the Weaselette's lapdog!"

Draco shrugged. "We'll fix him before he gets to Hogwarts. Now come _on_!"

With a roll of her eyes, Hermione joined her husband as they took turns flooing to The Burrow.

**~~The Burrow~~**

**~~The Den~~**

When they got to The Burrow there was pandemonium afoot as every Weasley in the room looked ready to kill on instinct.

Not knowing what was going on, they gladly handed Scorpius over to Fleur who rushed over as soon as she saw them. She said something had happened and while she didn't know the finer points she thought it a good idea to take all the children out of the room with her.

Before either of them could try to ask anybody anything, Ron got up on the kitchen table and howled. "EVERYONE PUT A BLEEDING SOCK IN IT!"

It took another few minutes but eventually everyone settled down.

Now that he was finally able to hear himself think, Draco spoke. "Would someone care to explain what the bloody hell is going on?"

As everyone took a breath to begin shouting again he sharply held up his hand and glared at them. "ONE person only; seeing as Weasel currently seems to be the voice of reason -terrifying as that is- would you tell us what the hell happened?"

Ron bounded off the table, landing in front of Draco. "You want to know what happened Malfoy? Teddy is being withdrawn from Hogwarts; that's what. No one in any of our families will _ever_ set foot in that school _again_!"

Hermione intervened. "And why not?!"

This time it was Molly that answered, and the expression on her face was right up there with her legendary 'not my daughter, you bitch' moment, where she blew Bellatrix Lestrange to pieces. "There's been a change in the professor rota that was only today brought to Arthur's attention. Minerva seems to have finally gone senile, because _**Dolores Umbridge**_ is the new DADA professor at Hogwarts, come this school year."

Hermione blinked, and then not being able to handle what she'd just heard, sat down right where she stood to try and absorb the new information.

Draco's howled, causing all the birds in the vicinity of Ottery St. Catchpole to hastily flee their perches. "_**WHAT?!**_"

Harry growled. "My sentiments exactly; I mean the woman used fucking _blood quills_, had _students_ holding other students at _wand point_, and to top it all off, she used _Unforgivables_!"

Draco didn't seem to hear anything Harry had said. He was glaring at the floor so mutinously, that no one was surprised when his magic spiked and suddenly the floor began to smoke.

Gathering her bearings, Hermione put out the flame, and stood back up. "This is _**unacceptable**_. We will not allow Umbridge-and her six chins- to take Hogwarts over again. Our children will go there, and we will fight against this decision tooth and nail to make sure it's safe for them to do so!"

Smirking, Hermione continued. "And in the event that we are unsuccessful, they will still go. But we will teach them every jinx, hex and curse we collectively know, giving them unrestrained permission to use the ones of their choosing on Umbridge in a manner in which they won't get caught."

Luna smirked at her friend. "Admit it Hermione. You wanted Umbridge dead more than Voldemort."

Hermione merely cocked an eyebrow in response, clearly not denying the allegation.

It was Draco that answered with a sneer. "Who fucking didn't?! Just because we got to lord over the rest of you didn't bloody mean the bitch was any fucking nicer to her ruddy Inquisitorial Squad!"

Ginny stomped her foot. "Back to the point! What do we do?!"

Draco got an evil look in his eyes. "Well I could always get a hold of some of father's more…unsavoury contacts. I mean they don't like us too much since we switched to the light side, but there's nothing they won't do for some cash. And it's not as if anyone' going to miss the old bat."

Hermione's attention was drawn to Neville, who was clenching his eyes shut. "Neville, what on earth are you doing?"

He cracked an eye open. "Trying to convince myself Malfoy's idea is unethical, immoral and illegal. Thus far, I'm failing."

Hermione put her hands on her hips. "We are _not_ going to sink to Umbridge's level!"

Draco turned on her with a deep set glower. "Granger, don't you understand? If we don't use underhanded tactics that insane woman is going to subject Teddy, and later Scorpius and the others to what she subjected us to!"

Hermione huffed. "Draco, I understand you're upset but you really seem to be taking this a lot worse than any of us are! And I want to know why that is, because as far as I know you never had to so much as serve detention with that toad!"

He snarled at her, reminiscent of his school-aged self. "None of your fucking business, Granger!"

The air seemed to sizzle as everyone in the room moved back a few steps.

Hermione glowered at her husband. "Don't you _dare_ take that tone with me _**Draconis**__**Lucius**__**Malfoy**__._"

He glared back at her. "I'll _dare_ whatever I please, _**Hermione Jean Malfoy**_."

She growled and grabbed his arm. "We need to talk. Alone. _**Now**_."

She proceeded to drag him up the stairs, entering Ron's old room and slamming the door shut as hard as she could.

George looked up in wonder. "I think I just felt the house slump over another few degrees."

**~~Ron's Bedroom~~**

Hermione rounded on her scowling husband. "Just what the_ hell_ is your problem?! I am your wife; I'm not a house elf you can tear into when the mood suits you!"

Trying to calm himself before he said something he'd regret, Draco sighed and allowed himself to collapse onto Ron's old bed, his face buried in his hands, groaning.

Hermione immediately softened, knowing that for him to be acting the way he was it had to be something severe. Not to mention it had to be pretty bloody upsetting if he had never even told her about it. She didn't think anything could be worse than the tales he'd regaled her with of Voldemort's occupation of his home but clearly she was mistaken.

Sitting next to him and running a soothing hand though his platinum blond hair Hermione sighed. "Draco I'll never understand if you don't tell me what's wrong. What did Umbridge do that was so horrible you've never mentioned it before? Please tell me. Please?"

With a sudden look of horror she halted her motions. "She didn't…take _advantage_ of you did she?!"

Draco jumped away from her, mortified. "_What the __**fuck**__ Granger_?! _**NO**_!"

She huffed. "Then _what_ did she _do_?!"

He scowled at her before hunching back over and mumbling something into his hands.

She sighed. "What was that?"

Draco gave her a defeated glare and finally answered properly. "She used the blood quill on me."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I am really very sympathetic Draco, but why make such a fuss? Everyone knows she used it on countless students. And that's beside the point; I've never seen any signs of blood quill work on you."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Madame Pomfrey applied a semi-permanent glamour charm to it for me in fifth year; I never took it off. It would have been impossible for me to hide it otherwise. She's the only one to ever have known about and seen it."

Hermione hesitated. "Do you…would you mind if…I saw it?"

He looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I'd really rather you didn't. It's embarrassing enough that _I_ know it's there."

Seeing her resigned look-although knowing she wouldn't force the issue if he said no-, he sighed. "But…I think I would be alright with you seeing it."

Understanding how hard this was for him, she simply nodded before going into "Healer mode", as Ron called it, and taking his hands gently in hers as she readied her wand.

He stayed her wand with a wince. "No…it's not there."

She looked at him inquisitively.

She couldn't bite back the abject horror in her expression when he, instead of speaking, slowly moved her wrist upwards, and then stopped.

With a gulp, she flicked her wand and prepared herself for what she would see.

She carefully reversed the glamour….

**~~The Den~~**

Everyone turned to stare up the stairs as they heard, after an extended period of silence, a horrified sob they knew to be Hermione.

It was muffled soon enough, and five minutes later the pair came back down the stairs, Draco looking notably subdued.

Hermione however, though her eyes were rimmed red, looked as though she would strangle the next person who so much as looked at her, with her bare hands.

No one moved.

Hermione turned her murderous look on Draco. "You will get all your Slytherin friends in on this. I want the _complete_ cooperation of every 'unsavoury contact' the lot of you have between yourselves. And if they don't answer to money, they will answer to Hermione Malfoy's wand. That ought to light a fire under their arses."

She snapped back to the room. "You all will help Draco and his Slytherins as I can only imagine how many of these contacts there are to get through in the next two days. Whoever here is an auror _will_ get them access to any and all Azkaban inmates they require."

She gave off a nasty grin at her next sentiment. "_I_ will get Lucius and deal with _his_ contacts. I have a feeling they'll need mine and my wand's _personal_ attention. And let me make myself clear right now, when I say that _no one_ involved in this fiasco will so much as _rest an eye_ until I have Umbridge, on her knees, pleading for my mercy."

She turned towards the backdoor, seeming glaring right through it. "Fleur will take all the children to Shell Cottage for the next few days, and babysit. Whenever the children are occupied she will do her best to get a hold of _every_ magical parent with a child in Hogwarts and inform them of Umbridge and her archaic practices. We will allow them to confer and stew amongst themselves until September 1st, by which point if we've failed at our task, we will rally the parents and storm the school."

She turned back to the room, and barked. "This is war. _**Am I understood?!**_"

The room was full of many a terrified nod and shout of confirmation.

She smirked smarmily to herself. "Watch out Dolores. The game's afoot."

Regardless of the seriousness of the situation, Draco couldn't help but think to himself that while Hermione was more or less acting like a Death Eater, he'd never been so turned on in his entire life.

_Bloody…Hermione's right; my libido level is _not_ normal._

**~~The Den~**

**~~One Hour Later~~**

Fleur had left with the children, and orders to contact Hogwarts' alumni, and students' parents in her spare time to let them know what was going on.

Hermione had gone into full drill-sergeant mode. Currently she was pacing at the head of the Weasley's dining table, Draco standing to her left, and Harry to her right, as they waited on Draco's Slytherin friends to make their appearances.

When the last Slytherin showed up they all sat at the magically enlarged dining table.

Theo scowled. "This had better be bloody good! This was my first weekend off in four months and I was in the middle of a weekend getaway with Tracy and Devon. I had to bloody leave as he was taking his _first steps_!"

Hermione gave him a nasty look, and having gotten so worked up she was more or less incoherent, she motioned for Draco to speak to his friends who were nodding along with Theo agitatedly.

"Trust me Nott. Missing your son's first steps is the _least_ of your worries where he's concerned. Fucking McGonagall's gone round the bend. As of September 1st, Dolores Umbridge is the DADA professor at Hogwarts."

Every Slytherin's jaw dropped, and Theo-the only one, other than Draco, with a child- started to turn purple. Then as the obscenities started, Theo abruptly got up and stomped toward the Weasley's fireplace. There was a lull in the shouting as he threw what must have been triple the normal amount of floo powder into the fireplace, before he stuck his head in and more or less growled at his wife.

"Tracy, leave Devon with your mother and get here as soon as possible. We have more important matters to attend to."

"No, trust me you _want_ to be here for this. I'm calling in sick to work for the next few days, and you should do the same. This shit is more code red than The Battle of Hogwarts."

"No we don't have bloody _time_ for his first steps right now! Get your arse over here, and bring the other Slytherin girls."

"I am not an insensitive arsehole, and I don't care if Pansy is on her honeymoon! She will have our heads if we don't drag her here and get her involved."

"_Why?_ Because _Dolores fucking Umbridge_ is Hogwarts' new DADA professor, _that's_ why!"

Everyone in the den could hear the howl through the floo before Theo cut off the conversation and came back to sit in his seat and glower at the table.

Not twenty minutes later, several steaming mad female Slytherin alumni occupied more chairs in the room. After hearing the news Pansy and her new (former Slytherin) husband, Malcolm Baddock had apparated directly from the beach, somehow managing not to splinch themselves. They ended up having to borrow clothes from Ginny and George because they were in such an enraged rush, that they had popped in, in their swimwear.

Malcolm, being the only voice of reason amongst a sea of snakes, posed a question. "Alright, let's say we get all our contacts in on this. Then what? What the hell do we do?"

It was Neville that answered with a scowl. "I vote we get Umbridge assassinated."

He got an appreciative look from ever single, Slytherin girl in the room.

"Wow Longbottom. Who knew you had it in you?"

Hermione interrupted his response to Daphne. "No! That's too easy and much better than she deserves. What I want is to absolutely ruin her. I want that woman destroyed, serving a life sentence in Azkaban. If we can't attain that then Neville's idea can be Plan C."

Draco cocked an eyebrow. "What was Plan B?"

She smirked. "Hand her back over to the centaurs, snap her wand, and ward her into their territory."

Blaise shook his head. "Bloody…of all people…it had to be Longbottom and Granger. It's always the quiet ones!"

Neville crossed his arms and raised an unamused eyebrow. "Be that as it may, we need to shape up and move out. All former Slytherins will head the campaign to get as much dirt on Umbridge-and whoever in the Ministry nominated her arse- as their contacts can provide. Hermione will inform Lucius and deal with his contacts; I'm sure we can all agree she's more than they can handle on her own."

He snapped towards the Potters and Weasleys. "All present Aurors will give any Slytherin here, access to Azkaban inmates, should they need it. Bill Weasley will take advantage of his position at Gringotts and see what he can pull on the Ministry's education accounts, as well as on Umbridge's personal accounts. Similarly, Percy Weasley will use his high ranking Ministry position to figure out what the fuck was going on in the Ministry when Umbridge was nominated for this position."

Neville cast his gaze on everyone else. "Everyone else start making up flyers, posters, and ads. In their off time, the Aurors will be in charge of distribution. And make picket signs as well; I want this shit being protested in the bloody Ministry's lobby. We're going to damn well be broadcasted live, on the Wizarding Wireless, until school starts."

Neville rubbed his temples in aggravation. "Also, I think it would be prudent for all present medical personnel to start administering blood pressure regulation spells before one of us has an aneurism."

As everyone turned to follow his orders, the single women of Slytherin couldn't help but mentally come to the same conclusion.

_So that's what the girls meant when they said we had to have seen him during the war. And here we thought they were going mad for him just because he decapitated the sodding snake!_

**~~August 31****st****, 2009~~**

**~~The Ministry of Magic~~**

Every contact had been wrung dry of every bit of information they had. As it turned out very little bribery or force was needed when it came to getting information. Many of them also had children or siblings of age to attend Hogwarts in the near future and while they may have been on the same side during the war, they were also less than impressed with Umbridge's…credentials. Thus, much of their information was attained free of charge.

Bill had found numerous transactions from Umbridge's bank account towards that of the Ministry's educational board. It took a lot of digging, but once he explained what was going on to the goblins, they were rearing to help him; it seems they too had a bone to pick with that woman.

Percy had found much in the ways of bribes, under the table contracts, and all manner of documents linking to Umbridge, as well as to the chair of the Ministry's Educational Department.

And Hermione, Seamus, Dean and Pansy were certain they had needed more blood pressure regulation spells in the last day than they had during the entirety of The War.

Together, they all stormed the Ministry; every last person with a family member in, or who would eventually enter Hogwarts was furious, and they were ready to let the Ministry feel their wrath.

To think, the thing that finally brought all magical beings, good and bad, to a truce was their common hatred of Dolores Umbridge, and the fear that she would lay hands on their children.

With Hermione at the head of the party, they came through brandishing picket signs, blow-horns, and wands from all directions to keep the security guards around them at bay. They all marched through the ministry, the majority stopping to protest in the lobby as Hermione and her friends made their way to the Ministry courtrooms.

Lo and behold, sitting at the head of the courtroom was Dolores Umbridge herself.

She smiled cantankerously down at the group. "Well, well, well, if it isn't some of my old students. What can I do for you?"

Hermione glowered at the woman. "We want to know how and why you have taken over the Defence Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts."

Umbridge raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Well I see you're still as boisterous as ever Ms. Granger. And may I ask why it's any business of yours?"

Draco stepped up next to his wife and took her free hand in his, the other brandishing his wand. "Actually it's Mrs. Malfoy now. And it's our business due in part to the fact that our son will be attending Hogwarts eight years from now, and we'd prefer he not have as miserable an experience as we did with you."

Apparently the woman had been living under a rock for the last five years because she raised both eyebrows in shock at the proclamation. "_Mrs. Malfoy_, is she now? And there's _spawn_ as well? My, my, Draco…you'll never learn will you?"

Harry came up on Hermione's other side with a scowl. "Out with it Dolores, we know you're plotting something with your Ministry monkeys. What is it?!"

Umbridge smirked nastily. "Still telling lies Mr. Potter? Oh dear, it seems Mr. Malfoy isn't the only one to forget my lessons. And here I thought I'd embedded them so…deeply. No matter. What I couldn't teach the fathers…I'll teach to their progeny."

Hermione had to hold both Draco and Harry back with a shield as they both trained their wands on Umbridge's sextuple chins.

It seemed that gave Umbridge the cue she'd been waiting for. "Oh dear. Holding a Ministry official at wand point? Bad form, I must say. But I suppose that's what one gets for consorting with Mud…oh pardon me, with _Muggles_. What a shame to see two of the noblest pureblood families of our world left to ruin. Mr.'s Potter and Malfoy, your ancestors would be ashamed. Guards! Escort the riffraff out of the Ministry if you would please. And Percy Weasley, don't think I don't see you back there. I'll consider this your resignation."

Anyone who worried that Percy might turn on them, underestimated his hatred of Umbridge. "Yes, consider it just that you bloody, fat, fucking frog-lady! And just so we're clear, the plural of Mr. is Messrs., you uneducated, lump of pink, twat!"

Apparently, just because he chose not to partake in his sibling's more colourful altercations, it didn't mean he couldn't contend with the best of them.

At this point the guards showed up and herded the group out. But they didn't manage to work fast enough because right before they shoved Hermione out the door she performed the spells she was famous for.

That's right.

As they left, Umbridge was hanging upside-down from the ceiling, shrieking, as a flock of canaries attacking her large, bared, panty-clad bottom.

Hermione had a satisfied smirk on her face as she sauntered along in front of the Guards. They walked into the atrium, where the picketers were still going strong, having some of the best Aurors on the force surrounding them with wands up so no one intervened. Ignoring them, the Guards shoved the group out the front doors, but not before _every_ _single_ _one_ gave them a covert wink and thumbs-up.

Hermione was convinced that there weren't _this_ many people that hated _Voldemort_.

After they got back to the Burrow, Neville looked around. "Alright, you all know what the next course of action is. Mione said it herself yesterday. We rally the parents and storm the school at the Sorting Feast tomorrow."

**~~September 1****st****, 2009~~**

**~~Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry~~**

It took a good part of the morning to get the gargantuan group organized. There was a huge turnout for the campaign against Umbridge, and by the time all of them were set to go, it was also time for the Sorting Feast to start.

Without further ado, the mob marched over the grounds of Hogwarts, barely pausing at the doors as Hermione raised her wand and flung them open with a deafening bang against the castle walls. They marched clear down the halls, joined by portraits and the house ghosts as word of their cause had spread.

How Dolores Umbridge had managed to piss off even the portraits of Hogwarts castle, was a right, bloody mystery to everyone.

With another sweeping gesture, Hermione silently flung open the doors to the Great Hall, just as Minerva McGonagall was about to place the Sorting Hat on the first, first year's head.

Minerva looked up with a start, and put the hat back down. "What is the meaning of this?!"

Hermione snapped back evenly, "Exactly what we'd like to know Minerva. What the _hell_ is the meaning of _this_?" Hermione pointed an accusatory finger at Umbridge's smug form, sitting at the head table, in what used to be Professor Snape's seat.

Minerva looked at her stiffly. "That, Mrs. Malfoy, is none of your concern."

Theo stepped in front of Hermione and glared. "Oh, I do believe it's our concern; we know exactly what that woman is willing and capable of doing. And we'd rather see our children without _any_ education that entrust them to the likes of her!"

Minerva sighed, suddenly looking more tired than anyone had ever seen her. "Be that as it may Mr. Nott, my hands are tied on the matter. I had no other prospects so the decision was defaulted to a nomination by the Ministry's Board of Education. And whether I may or may not agree with their decision is neither here nor there. As Headmistress of Hogwarts, I cannot allow my staff to be undermined, especially in the presence of my students. So I'll have to kindly ask that you take your leave."

This time it was Harry who stepped up. "Fine, we'll leave peacefully. But before we go, we still believe that the students, as well as their parents, have a right to know what they have to look forward to under _Professor_ Umbridge's tutelage."

With that, there was a flurry of former students brandishing Blood Quill scars across their knuckles, some even long enough that they ran up their wrists.

Parents turned red in outrage as the students turned white in terror, looking on at the different scars.

Harry Potter: I must not tell lies.

Ron Weasley: I must not eat outside of meal times.

Hermione Malfoy: I must refrain from being a filthy little know-it-all.

Lavender Brown: I must keep my promiscuous wiles under control.

Dean Thomas: I must not speak out of turn.

Seamus Finnegan: I must not attempt magic that is not in the syllabus.

Colin Creevy: I must not take pictures in school.

Luna Zabini: I must refrain from acting like an asylum resident.

Hannah Longbottom: Crying is for the pathetic and the weak. Stop.

Padma Patil: I must refrain from speaking to my sister at lunch.

Parvati Patil: I must not laugh like an imbecile.

Romilda Vane: I must not behave as a tramp.

Ginny Potter: I must behave as a pureblood should.

George Weasley: I will amount to nothing worthy.

On, and on the scars went. It seemed every single non-Slytherin student who had been at Hogwarts the last time Umbridge was there had been scarred with the Blood Quill.

Umbridge turned her nose up at all of them. "Please, as if I could ever be so cruel as to do something so horrible to little children! Obviously they've done this to themselves; that's how badly they want to get me dismissed. It's not as if creating a Blood Quill and its scars is hard to do yourself."

Draco sneered at her with fire in his eyes. "Oh really Dolores? If that's so easy then explain to me _how_ and _why_ I would do _**this**_ to myself!"

With that, Draco turned his wand towards his face. "Finite Incantatum!"

There was a full minute of silence, before chaos ensued. Parents were demanding their children be removed from the school if Umbridge wasn't kicked out. Others demanded that she be throw in Azkaban for her crimes. And yet others could do no more than dry heave at the sight.

Because there, across Draco's forehead, looking just like the scars on everyone else' knuckles, was a single sentence:

_I am a disgrace to the name of Malfoy._

McGonagall glared at Umbridge with all the hatred in her being. "As much as I would love nothing more than to dismiss _Professor_ Umbridge, I would still need a replacement professor. And as it stands, I am completely without hope or options, short of a miracle."

That was when they heard a voice amongst the first years. Little Teddy Lupin stepped out from the group, looking Umbridge dead in the eye. "My Uncle Draco can replace her; Merlin knows he knows more about the Dark Arts than ruddy Voldemort himself."

Teddy followed that declaration with a smirk at Umbridge. The kid clearly had Black blood flowing through his veins; he wasn't afraid of anything.

Umbridge stood up so suddenly that her chair fell back. "You insolent little twit! How dare you utter the Dark Lord's name; have you no fear?!"

Teddy raised an eyebrow at the woman. "Fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself." Ron snorted at that. Teddy continued on his tirade. "And in this case, the thing itself was incinerated by a bloody _Expelliarmus_, performed by a _teenager_ who couldn't even _pass_ DADA on his own, _eleven_ years ago."

At that, Harry blushed.

Umbridge glowered at Teddy. "I see you'll need to be straightened out before classes even begin, you impertinent child! No matter, I know how to deal with little loudmouths like you; just wait and see how I straighten you out. And in any case, Mr. Malfoy is not qualified to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. No one of his age could possibly have the knowledge required to master the subject enough to teach it."

Draco have her a cold, calculating look. "On the contrary Dolores. You know as well as I do that _Voldemort_ only gave the Dark Mark to those disciples that made it through his psychotic Dark Arts training regime."

He the smirked sardonically at her. "I've got my Dark Mark; it only took me the summer before sixth year to pass. Where's your Mark? Surely you must have passed…you were there for the entirety of both his first and second reigns. That's like a good fourteen years to study."

She turned her nose up at him and humphed.

He snorted and turned to Gregory Goyle, who sported an armful of, 'I have the learning ability of a toadstool.' "I think someone was just trying to take out her learning insecurities out on you Goyle. Toadstool my left eye!"

Umbridge turned to the parents occupying the Great Hall. "Are you all seriously considering allowing a _just_ self-proclaimed _Death_ _Eater_ to teach your children?!"

Ron shrugged at the people closest to him. "Well it's like following tradition. Snape did it for practically an eternity and he was fantastic at it. Whether we were good students or not is beside the point. And I see quite a few members of our little group here who were, or maybe even still are, supporters of the Dark Side. Apparently, you don't need to be relegated to a specific side of The War to prefer known Death Eaters to pink toads."

Theo snorted. "Hey, I know the only reason me, Goyle, and Crabbe passed DADA all those years is because Draco tutored us. And I don't recall him ever using a textbook."

All the parents nodded in agreement.

McGonagall hushed everyone. "Be that as it may, I am still unable to hire a new professor without a candidate approved by a Ministry educational official."

Kingsley stepped forward. "Well I'm not an educational official, but I'd like to think that being Minister for Magic counts for something. I hereby dismiss both Professor Umbridge from her post, as well as the current chair of the Board of Education. I believe Draco Malfoy would be an appropriate replacement for the former position. And it has recently come to my attention that Percy Weasley is out of a job; I believe he would fit nicely into the latter opening."

The Great Hall was awash with cheers emanating from the parents, the students, the professors, the ghosts and the portraits. Even the Giant Squid gave a loud call from the Black Lake.

Draco got up on the Gryffindor table-which Harry was convinced he enjoyed a little too much- and quieted everyone down. "While this is all very flattering, don't you people suppose I have anything better to do?"

Hermione snorted at him. "Like what?! Lucius runs the company; he won't let you touch anything because he's convinced you'd break it. I'm at St. Mungo's all day. You bloody sit at home and stuff your face with Chocolate Frogs alongside Scorpius every day."

Draco waved his arms at her. "Exactly! I babysit!"

Hermione shook her head. "Not anymore! Your mother has been on my case about getting you a hobby so she can have her grandson during the day like normal Grandparents do. Minister, Draco accepts and appreciates your offer."

Harry snickered. "I don't think anyone appreciates it more than Narcissa though!"

Hermione continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "He will also become the Quidditch Coach, and Head of Slytherin if it's available."

Draco jaw-dropped at her.

Minerva raised a brow, looking much more relaxed than she had when Umbridge held the position of her colleague. "Coach? What coach? Hogwarts has never had a Quidditch Coach."

Hermione shrugged with a sheepish blush. "I'm well aware. But all that binging on Chocolate Frogs has started going to my husband's abs. And I'd rather like for him to return to the way he was when I got him."

Draco sputtered at her as she continued with a smirk. "Also, Lucius had a chat with me about it. He asked me to reiterate, and I quote: 'Malfoys do not get pudgy.'"

An affronted Draco scowled at her. "Fine! I'll take the job, but only because _I_ want something to do during the day! However, I am _not_ pudgy! I'll get the bloody old man for that comment!"

Harry and Ron suddenly lunged into a run across the Hall. During the conversation Dolores seemed to have thought she could make her escape.

Ron held her arms as Harry spelled her into handcuffs. "Oh no you don't, Dolores. I've waited for this day for a long time. Dolores Umbridge, you are hereby under arrest for the use of Blood Quills, torture of students, use of Unforgivables, defamation of character, subjection of emotional and physical trauma, coercion and threats. I miss anything Ron?"

Ron nodded seriously. "And because nobody fucking likes you."

She looked at Harry helplessly. "But you know I haven't done anything, don't you Mr. Potter?"

Harry smirked, like he did all those years ago. "I'm sorry Professor. I must not tell lies."

It was after the Aurors had taken Umbridge away, the parents had dispersed and Draco had taken his new seat at the Head Table that the Sorting resumed. However, before McGonagall could place the hat on the still waiting first year's head, it spoke up.

It nodded its point at Draco. "From everything I've seen to day I may need to re-evaluate my criteria for sorting. Maybe it is in fact possible for even a born and bred Slytherin to have a little Gryffindor in them."

It then turned towards Hermione, who was sitting, watching the spectacle from the Gryffindor table. The students would later swear the hat smirked at her. "And just maybe…some Gryffindors really belonged in Slytherin from the very beginning."

**~~September 2****nd****, 2009~~**

**~~Malfoy Manor~~**

**~~The Breakfast Room~~**

Lucius looked imploringly at his daughter-in-law. "So basically, what you're saying is that the Sorting Hat said, in no uncertain terms, that you're more Slytherin than my son?"

Hermione giggled. "Yep."

Draco scowled.

Lucius slowly turned to Narcissa. "Cissa…are you _sure_ he's mine?"

With a glare from Narcissa, Lucius hastily changed the subject. "So you never told us what the turning point was. The students showed off their scars…and then…you said something else was revealed…and the parents went nutters."

The younger couple gave each other a nervous look. "Well…you see I don't think it's a good idea for us to tell you…"

Lucius looked intrigued. "And why is that?"

Another nervous glance was shared. "Well…"

Just then, they were interrupted by a raging mad House Elf stomping into the room. "Master, Tinkle needs the day off. Tinkle has a bone to pick with the toady woman!"

And with that, Tinkle threw the newspaper down in front of Lucius, and apparated out with a pop, leaving four Malfoys staring after him in disbelief.

Lucius looked affronted. "What the bloody hell got into him? Usually I can't even ask for a muffin without him trying to…iron his…ears…"

Lucius trailed off, having finally looked at the paper, and realized what had the elf so riled. The other three looked over and there, on the front page of The Daily Prophet was a shot of the showdown in the Great Hall. And at the head of the rebellion, they could make out, clear as day, Draco, with the Blood Quill scar on his forehead.

Narcissa and Lucius slowly looked up at Draco. As one they whipped out their wands and pointed them at him. "Finite Incantatum!"

_I am a disgrace to the name of Malfoy._

Hermione, being the smart girl she always has been, grabbed Scorpius, and crawled under the table with both his and her bowls of cereal. "Just listen darling; you'll be the only three-year-old in the Wizarding World to find out what an atomic bomb sounds like. In three…two…one."

"_**What the bloody fucking hell is this Draco?!**_" That was the only coherent thing made out before the pair started sputtering in incoherent rage. After five minutes of ranting and raving, they finally managed to calm down.

Draco shrugged, staring back at his breakfast. "I told you I had my reasons for hating that woman."

Narcissa gave Lucius a nasty smirk. "Oh she'll get hers. The Malfoys still have pull where she's going, which is according to this headline, Azkaban. Now…what do you think would torment her most for the rest of her life?"

Lucius glared. "I have a five or six Boggarts in the Dungeon that haven't been put to use since father punished me for pinching from his liquor cabinet."

Narcissa gave her husband an exasperated look. "Something ordinary; something we can't get burned for."

They heard a voice from under the table. "Centaurs."

Draco continued eating his breakfast as Lucius and Narcissa pulled Hermione out from under the table.

Lucius raised a brow. "Centaurs? Why centaurs?"

Hermione grinned sheepishly. "Well…that year we all put you in prison…. You see we had gone hunting for clues in Umbridge's rooms, and got caught by her and the Inquisitorial Squad. She was convinced we knew where the prophecy was, and demanded we tell her where it was or she's torture it out of us. I told her I knew, and then led her deep into the Forbidden Forest to where the prophecy was hidden. Then I whistled for the centaurs, and they carried her away to do…whatever it is centaurs do when they torture the bitch who's been passing laws against them for the last hundred years."

She then frowned to herself. "Actually…I still don't know how the hell she got away from them. That's something to look into too…"

Lucius looked at her, pleasantly surprised. "And here I thought you're disapprove of our methods. Draco, I have to say son: good show on marrying this one!"

Narcissa fretted at him. "But how are we going to torture her with _Centaurs_ of all things?!"

Draco shook his head. "You guys have fun, but I don't have time for this. It's my first day at Hogwarts and I can't follow in Snape's terrifying footsteps if I'm late to class on the first day. I'll see you tonight."

Just before Draco left the room, Tinkle popped in, looking very satisfied with himself.

Hermione kneeled down to the little elf's level. "Tinkle…what did you do…?"

Tinkle smirked. "Toady lady messed with Young Master Draco, so now Tinkle and whoever would like to join him mess with the toady lady whenever the mood strikes us."

Now Narcissa kneeled down with them. "And how's that Tinkle?"

Tinkle was practically flapping his ears in glee. "Tinkle bribed House Elves in Azkaban kitchens with extra chores to do in Malfoy Manor for a small favour."

Gleefully basking in the undivided attention given to him by every Malfoy in the room, Tinkle carried on. "Silly Azkaban House Elf not know about House Elf rights bill. He fell for it. He create one way portal to toady lady's cell. Now Tinkle and Masters and Mistresses can send torturous objects, and nasty spells through portal in back of Malfoy Dungeon to toady lady's cell!"

The poor little elf went on to be squashed by hugs and kisses by the two hysterically giggling Malfoy women, as the two Malfoy men swore up and down they'd make sure he was the richest, most well-off, sought after, House Elf bachelor in the country.

And throughout all this, little Scorpius had only learned one thing. "Bad toady lady!"

**AN: Oh…my…god…I FINALLY FINISHED! Let's see…when the hell did I start this file? December 29, 2014! GAH! Over a year! Holy Crap! I'm so happy I completed it! Here's hoping for more to come my friends!**


End file.
